Post by Samaena on Feb 15, 2005 12:32:41 GMT -5
My Dearest Cass.
I miss you. I miss you a lot. I had to say that before I said anything else.
Are you well? Do you need anything?I wonder if you miss me too. I don’t often think of you any more, simply because I cant. For the sake of us all its just better that I stay away, that we walk our own separate paths now. It wont ever change how much I love you all but when it all comes down to it, at the end of the day. I don’t think I can ever forgive you for what you did.
The quill paused upon the page for a moment, the ink began to pool till she lifted it from the paper. The frown on her face spoke volumes. Far more than she could have ever put into words here. All the thoughts in her mind would never be voiced but this…this would be the closest she’d ever get. Again she took to scribing away her thoughts, concerns. As though it were a way to be heard, as though the letter would be sent.
He did it again Cass. Both of them. David came for Eric again and they left, without a word, without even a sign. I know where they go to and still they cant or don’t have that shred of consideration to tell me. The fights? I don’t mind so much, it’s what they live for. Without it I think Eric would just fade away, wither and grow old.
It doesn’t mean that I have to like it does it? Left here to wonder where they are, how they’re doing. Wondering if they will make it home alive.
It would be nice for once if David would actually come to the door and spend a little time. You know? Usually all I’m granted is a kiss on the cheek a Hello and a…well I don’t even get a Bye, from either of them. They just go.
I would have liked to have been given the time with David. I missed so much, Eric and I both did and now…it seems I just have to make do with the moment he manages to give.
Am I wrong to want more? Even if it is just a little time I’m asking for?
Maybe its me? Maybe I ask too much? I don’t know Cass, sometimes I wonder a lot of things. I see so much, hear even more and still I have to just watch and wait. Its what we do, what I do and well you know it. Many times you urged me to go, to tend to what needed taking care of and I have. For my own sanity I did. I’m living my life for once, I’m not living for you any more. I’m living for me, now and I’m sorry if you don’t much like that but…even I have to have a life Cass.
Its not easy being me, though I’d change nothing about it. I like who I am and what I do, what I can offer others. Its something, better than nothing.Maybe one day you’ll even be proud. Who knows?
Yes proud like their father was…it was that thought that had her score out what she had just written. There was so much she wanted to tell her. It would have been far easier to go to the castle, to make her listen. To make her take that time to see…to maybe even give her a little of what she could so easily give to others but…what had transpired previously bade her stay away. It was easier. It didn’t hurt as much as it used to any more, it was just perhaps easier to write these letters, if only in her own mind Cass would receive them and read them.
The tip of the feather she wrote with was, for a moment teased beneath her chin as she stared off elsewhere. Was there any point to writing any more? Cass would never read them in a million years. She could remember the harsh words that had been said the last time they were…together and now? It was cold and empty, She couldn’t feel her sibling any longer.
The quill again met the paper as she wrote…<br>
One day I might come back for you Cass. For now its better that we leave things as they are. We no longer have to share each other’s burden and I actually think I like that. I like being apart from you, despite the cold, and despite the fact I feel as though I lost half of myself that day, half my soul torn free and cast away like an old rag.
No Cass. I wont come to you and beg, at one time I might have but not any more. You and Faith made it quite clear where I stood. I wont be coming home. Not now, not ever.
What had made her change her mind. In a heartbeat she resolved to never going back. Why? Once upon a time her family had meant everything to her but she could still hear that echo from the past.
“You’re not a GreySeerer Hope. You don’t have it in you! Just go back to your own little world eh…do us all a favour -- Get out Hope. Don’t come back!” – Even now it cut so deep. To hear and recall those images as she just had left her raw.
The quill was hurriedly left with the ink and she was rising to leave the little table she had sat at. The book was slammed closed.
Even as she turned away room it all she could hear Erics’ step approach, the door to their room was pushed inward. All she needed to see where his eyes to be able to greet him with a smile.
“You ok?” the sound of his voice, the concern in his tone seemed to make it that much better.
“Yeah, I’m fine. I’m coming now…”
With that she was walking away, content with the choices she had made. Happy to be with the man she loved more than she could have ever voiced. The book and the letter forgotten…for now.
I miss you. I miss you a lot. I had to say that before I said anything else.
Are you well? Do you need anything?
The quill paused upon the page for a moment, the ink began to pool till she lifted it from the paper. The frown on her face spoke volumes. Far more than she could have ever put into words here. All the thoughts in her mind would never be voiced but this…this would be the closest she’d ever get. Again she took to scribing away her thoughts, concerns. As though it were a way to be heard, as though the letter would be sent.
He did it again Cass. Both of them. David came for Eric again and they left, without a word, without even a sign. I know where they go to and still they cant or don’t have that shred of consideration to tell me. The fights? I don’t mind so much, it’s what they live for. Without it I think Eric would just fade away, wither and grow old.
It doesn’t mean that I have to like it does it? Left here to wonder where they are, how they’re doing. Wondering if they will make it home alive.
It would be nice for once if David would actually come to the door and spend a little time. You know? Usually all I’m granted is a kiss on the cheek a Hello and a…well I don’t even get a Bye, from either of them. They just go.
I would have liked to have been given the time with David. I missed so much, Eric and I both did and now…it seems I just have to make do with the moment he manages to give.
Am I wrong to want more? Even if it is just a little time I’m asking for?
Maybe its me? Maybe I ask too much? I don’t know Cass, sometimes I wonder a lot of things. I see so much, hear even more and still I have to just watch and wait. Its what we do, what I do and well you know it. Many times you urged me to go, to tend to what needed taking care of and I have. For my own sanity I did. I’m living my life for once, I’m not living for you any more. I’m living for me, now and I’m sorry if you don’t much like that but…even I have to have a life Cass.
Its not easy being me, though I’d change nothing about it. I like who I am and what I do, what I can offer others. Its something, better than nothing.
Yes proud like their father was…it was that thought that had her score out what she had just written. There was so much she wanted to tell her. It would have been far easier to go to the castle, to make her listen. To make her take that time to see…to maybe even give her a little of what she could so easily give to others but…what had transpired previously bade her stay away. It was easier. It didn’t hurt as much as it used to any more, it was just perhaps easier to write these letters, if only in her own mind Cass would receive them and read them.
The tip of the feather she wrote with was, for a moment teased beneath her chin as she stared off elsewhere. Was there any point to writing any more? Cass would never read them in a million years. She could remember the harsh words that had been said the last time they were…together and now? It was cold and empty, She couldn’t feel her sibling any longer.
The quill again met the paper as she wrote…<br>
No Cass. I wont come to you and beg, at one time I might have but not any more. You and Faith made it quite clear where I stood. I wont be coming home. Not now, not ever.
What had made her change her mind. In a heartbeat she resolved to never going back. Why? Once upon a time her family had meant everything to her but she could still hear that echo from the past.
“You’re not a GreySeerer Hope. You don’t have it in you! Just go back to your own little world eh…do us all a favour -- Get out Hope. Don’t come back!” – Even now it cut so deep. To hear and recall those images as she just had left her raw.
The quill was hurriedly left with the ink and she was rising to leave the little table she had sat at. The book was slammed closed.
Even as she turned away room it all she could hear Erics’ step approach, the door to their room was pushed inward. All she needed to see where his eyes to be able to greet him with a smile.
“You ok?” the sound of his voice, the concern in his tone seemed to make it that much better.
“Yeah, I’m fine. I’m coming now…”
With that she was walking away, content with the choices she had made. Happy to be with the man she loved more than she could have ever voiced. The book and the letter forgotten…for now.